A Broken Soldier
by CyanGecko1
Summary: Everyone thought he was ok, his troubles were over. He had fought his battles and returned to them, but is the battle really over, or is it just beginning...


_**A Broken Soldier**_

Tommy and Julia – Elizabeth

Sarah and Luc- Coop and Paige

Kitty and Robert- Evan

Kevin and Scotty

Justin and Rebecca

Saul

Nora

 _These are the couples I most prefer so please pardon me if they don't all match with canon timeline. I always thought that Justin's consequences from going to Iraq got slightly downplayed and lost within his drug addiction storyline, plus I wanted to exploit the severely down played, and awesome relationship between Justin and Robert._

 _This is set several months after Justin's final battle with drugs, and follows the events of Fourth of July celebration where everyone realises how not-okay Justin actually_ is.

 **Nora POV**

Nora woke up that morning to an extensive organisational plan for the celebrations later that day. Any holiday or family event, no matter how small, was always an excuse to get together with her extensive and slightly dysfunctional family, and this evening would be no different.

Robert was in the middle of campaigning around this national holiday, as such Kitty and Evan had been staying with Nora, with Robert planning to arrive that evening.

Tommy, Julia and Elizabeth were also coming by that evening, with Tommy shouldering the role William used to take at such family gatherings, Fireworks.

Sarah and Luc were coming round during the day to help set up, as were Kevin and Scotty. And that just left Justin.

Nora worried for her youngest child, she always had done, but in recent weeks she had barely seen her boy and after extensive snooping around the rest of her children, discovered that no one had seen Justin in person for almost a month.

The excitement of having her family all in one place was tainted slightly by a sense of foreboding regarding the events of the evening.

 **Justin POV**

Justin woke that morning with a start. His heart was thumping in his chest and his hands were shaking as he ran them through his sweat soaked hair. Flashes of war and screams of terror rose up in his mind every time his eyes closed, and with a reluctant sigh Justin realised there would be no more sleep for him tonight.

It was very early, with the sun only just creeping over the horizon. Justin seemed to average about 3 hours sleep a night recently, and it was starting to take its toll. Rebecca slept on, she was far from ignorant regarding Justin's sleep patterns, but knew after several attempts at getting him to open up, that it was useless.

Justin was lost in thought as he stared at the sun rise, sand, blood and explosives filled his senses as he was lost in the memories of his last Fourth of July celebration.

Tears coursed down his face as his grip on the window sill tightened, knuckles flushing white, and tremors wracking his body. The nightmares and flashbacks had always been there for Justin, but the recollection of events on this celebrated day, just one year ago, had amped up his symptoms to an almost painful level.

Throughout all of this Justin had avoided his family, aware that the annoyingly perceptive bunch would discover his secret within minutes of a meeting. The bare minimum of phone conversations was enough to keep them convinced he was buried in medical school work, although he was not naive enough to think that that could hold off the Walker clan for long.

A foreboding crept across Justin as he continued to watch the sun rise and chase away the shadows of the night.

 **Walker Household- 5pm**

The household was buzzing with people and activities. Coop, Paige, Evan and Elizabeth were running around the house, trying to be controlled by a stressed Kitty and Julia. Sarah, Saul, Kevin, Holly and Tommy sat around the lounge trying the newest produce of Tommy's winery, whilst Nora, Luc and Scotty prepared the usual food feast in the kitchen.

'Hello Walkers!' cried Robert as he entered the house. He was greeted by a shouting Evan and a grinning Kitty. 'Hello' he said to Kitty giving her a handsome smile and a kiss.

'Robert! Lovely to see you, do join us' said Saul, fetching another wine glass from the cabinet. Everyone began to return to the previous topic of conversation.

'So have you spoken to him?' Sarah asked Tommy.

'Nope' replied Tommy. 'Barely seen him for a month'

'Same here, he hasn't even spoken to Kitty recently' Sarah said, with a pointed look towards her sister.

'Now I'm worried. We have to do something, he can't backslide, after everything that's happened I finally thought he was home free' said Kevin, worrying lining his face.

'Who are we talking about?' Asked Robert, already fairly certain he knew the answer.

'Justin' everyone said, followed by numerous sighs and gulps of wine.

'He... he won't talk to any of us. Every time I get him on the phone he says he is too busy with med school but there is just something off' said Kitty, dropping her head onto Roberts shoulder for comfort.

'We thought things were getting better after Iraq and rehab, but something's not right, hasn't been for a month now' Kevin stated.

'Give him time' said Robert. 'He was in Iraq this time last year right? It's just an adjustment to different circumstances, and probably a deluge of memories that he's trying to control. You know Justin, the last thing he would want to do is pass on his problems to you guys. Just give him time, he'll come back'

The room fell silent as everyone considered Roberts words, however at that point the subject of discussion himself walked through the front door.

Everyone rose to greet Justin and Rebecca; however it was Coop who got there first.

'UNCLE JUSTIN' he shouted and threw himself at Justin from behind. Caught by surprise Justin's reflexes kicked in. Adrenalin shot through his body and for a moment all he saw was desert.

With agility and strength born of training and war zone life Justin caught Coop from behind, spun him around and covered his small body from the attack he knew was coming.

But nothing happened. One heartbeat, two heartbeats and still nothing. Cautiously Justin lifted his head, his breathe coming hard and fast. Instead of the desert he expected to see Justin was greeted by the concerned looks of his family, still stood in the lounge staring at him. As the realisation of where he was coloured Justin's face red, he also realised that whole episode had lasted just 10 seconds.

'Uncle Justin' whined Coop, trying to wriggle free and return to his game, unsure what had just happened with his Uncle. Justin rose and released Coop, which seemed to snap everyone else out of their shock.

Rebecca placed a hand on Justin's arm which she was unsurprised to see was shaking.

'Justin?' she asked, concern and worry lacing her words. The other Walkers began to move forward however they were interrupted by the entrance of Nora from the kitchen.

'Dinner's ready!' she cried, smiling at all her children as she began to usher them into the dining room.

Dinner was a subdued affair with all the previous occupants of the lounge casting worried glances at Justin. Sarah and Kevin had filled in their respective partners regarding the events of earlier that evening; however Nora remained ignorant, as Saul and Tommy kept her engaged in conversation.

Justin stared at his plate, trying to contemplate any excuse to get out of the house, however his brain was trapped in a loop of war and death. As one hand shakily threaded through his hair, the other was tightly grasped by Rebecca. She knew what had happened in the hall, as the same thing had happened just a week ago when she had tried to surprise Justin in the bathroom.

As dinner came to a close the rest of the Walkers picked up their own conversations and the events of earlier drew to the back of their minds. That was until fireworks starting popping off from a nearby house. The noise drew everyone to the windows as they marvelled at the spectacle. Paige looked around and saw Elizabeth on Uncle Tommy's shoulders, Evan on Uncle Kevin's and Coop was getting a piggy back from Luc. Wanting to see better too she looked around for her Uncle Justin and was surprised to see him still at the table. She took a step forward to request a lift like the others but realised something wasn't right.

'Mom' she said, tugging on Sarah's arm 'what's wrong with Uncle Justin?' she asked, alerting everyone to the troubles of the youngest Walker.

At the sound of the first firework Justin sat bolt upright in his chair. Each bang caused his whole body to jump and his hold on Rebecca's hand became a death grip. As everyone made their way to the windows Rebecca turned to look at Justin and her brain short circuited.

Terror and pain flashed across Justin's face as his breathing became more and more laboured.

'Justin? Justin, what's wrong?' Rebecca asked, the grip on her hand rising to painful levels. 'Justin talk to me'

She received no reply and was suddenly aware of the silent audience that Justin had. Nora moved towards Justin, however Saul held her back as Tommy approached his younger brother.

'Justin?... Hey, come on man talk to me... Justin what's happening?' Tommy asked crouching next to Justin's chair. Upon seeing the tremors running up and down Justin's arms Tommy reached out to lay his hand on Justin's in comfort.

'Tommy, I don't think you should-' started Robert but it was too late. The slight touch of Tommy's hand threw Justin into a full blown flashback. He was only aware of his need to protect Rebecca, his vision clouded with smoke and dust, the smell of explosives filled his lungs as shell upon shell could be heard ripping apart the land.

Justin had taken a rapid right swing at Tommy and threw himself out of his chair, pulling Rebecca with him. As he looked around analysing his surroundings he became aware of two more advancing threats. With quick realisation that he was weapon less with a civilian to protect, he quickly took out the unknown men and began to slowly retreat until he held Rebecca between himself and the wall.

'Everyone stop!' Shouted Robert, as the panic in the Walker household grew to never-before-seen levels. Everyone grew silent and looked to Robert, the only sound filling the room was Justin's gasping breathe. Tommy, Kevin and Luc all lay on the floor battered and bruised from Justin's attack.

'Everyone just stop and take a step back' said Robert, his calm voice of a politician laced with the concern of a fellow soldier.

'Bu t Robert, I have to-' started Nora, making a move towards Justin, however Scotty and Saul held her back.

'No Nora. Just stop ok. Justin is in the middle of a flashback and all you will do is cause him to lash out again. Don't give Justin the chance to hurt you because we all know that is something Justin would never forgive himself for' Robert reasoned. He kept eye contact with Nora till he saw understanding in her tear filled eyes, he then glanced around at the rest of the family. Kitty and Julia had the kids gathered at the back of the room, whilst Saul and Scotty still kept strong and supportive arms around Nora. Luc, Tommy and Kevin had picked themselves up off the floor and moved back to join Sarah and Robert.

Justin had begun muttering under his breath as he continuously checked for further attacks. Rebecca seemed stunned behind Justin, barely daring to move for fear of Justin's well demonstrated battle skills.

Robert looked towards Justin and sighed. He has always felt closest to Justin out of all his in-laws. He sympathised with Justin's life experience and found spending time with him cathartic to a trouble soul.

'Justin' Robert spoke, trying to claim the man's attention. 'Justin, I need you to look at me' he tried , but Justin mutterings only grew louder, his rapid head moving threatening whip lash with its speed.

'No, no... this can't be-NO! –gotta stop... can't do this' Justin mumbled, thoughts flying faster than his brain could control.

Recognising Justin's army stance Robert rethought his approach. With a sigh he glanced behind him and gave a sad smile to Kitty before straightening himself into his Captain's stance.

'Private Walker!' Barked Robert, startling the rest of the family, but eliciting only a brief glance from Justin. 'Private Walker stand down. This area has been cleared, release the civilian and return for de-brief'.

Justin glanced up and held Robert's gaze, his mind warring over who to trust.

'They attacked... it's not safe, not here... not safe anywhere. We have- they're here!' Justin cried, his breathing increasing, growing every closer to hyperventilating.

'Private Walker stand down. This area is clear, release the civilian to me and return to base for debrief' Robert repeated, his hands clenching behind his back as he himself was flooded with memories of sand and death.

Justin slowly loosened his grip on Rebecca who trembled almost as badly as Justin.

'Ok slowly, Rebecca. That's it don't fight him ok? Let him release you then slowly move over towards Kevin alright?' Robert coached, his eyes never breaking contact with Justin's. Justin took a hesitant step away from Rebecca allowing her to break free from the wall. On unsteady legs she slowly made her way over to Kevin and Sarah who caught her just as her legs gave out. Tears ran down her face as she was enveloped in Sarah's arms, sobs wracking her body as Kevin laid his hand in comfort on her back.

Nora watched all this with uncomprehending eyes and assumed that Justin's episode was passed. She took a step forward, however Justin's sharp eyes caught her movement and he backed into the corner in a crouch.

'Nora no!' said Robert, laying a staying hand on her shoulder. 'He may have released Rebecca but he's not back just yet, please stay back'

'But Robert he is my son, I will not stand here while he goes through this alone. He is my son' Nora passionately argued, moving to take another step towards Justin however Robert stopped her again.

'Not right now he isn't. He is a soldier, a fellow warrior. He can't understand anything else right now so please step back. Let me help the soldier so you can get the son back' Robert pleaded, begging Nora to understand.

'Ok' whispered Nora, glancing from Justin to Robert with growing comprehension.

'Everyone sit down ok, stay calm whilst I try and bring him back' said Robert. He moved to crouch down to Justin's level and caught his gaze.

'Justin, you're ok. You're not there anymore alright?' Robert's calm steady tone seemed to sooth Justin's rasping breathe. As Robert kept up a litany of reassuring words he slowly moved forward.

'Ok Justin, everything is good, you're home ok? Justin?' Robert now knelt right in front of Justin, and didn't miss the slight nod that his last question received.

'Where are you Justin? Talk to me, come on. What have you been holding in for so long?' Robert asked, knowing the only way to get past this episode was for Justin to release the memories and emotions. Justin seemed to consider Robert for a moment and then his trembling hands grasped hold of Robert's, needing some method of grounding himself before the wave of memories washing him away.

'It was tonight' Justin gasped, his voice so raw with emotion that it reduced his whole family to tears. 'One year ago... tonight. _Why!_ We were celebrating... usual Fourth of July stuff- _why_. E-everyone was in the mess, everyone... _why then, why?_ ' Robert strengthened his grip on Justin's hands as the young soldier faced his nightmares. 'I-it came out of nowhere- _why-_ no warning, n-nothing. We should have known, sh-should have suspected...' Justin trailed off, his eyes misting over as the memories overtook him again.

'Justin' Robert gently shook him, bringing him back to the present. 'Concentrate on me, focus on me ok?' he was rewarded with a jerky nod as Justin's breathing slowed down again.

'W-we were attacked' gasped Justin, tears running down his face. ' Explosions and bullets ripped apart the tent. _Why?_ Everyone tried to scatter, t-tried to move into action but there was nowhere to go, n-nothing to do. I was thrown under a table by an explosion, I sh-should have done something- _why_ \- when I woke up everyone was g-gone. One hundred and sixteen soldiers... g-gone. I was the only survivor- _why_ -no one else... n-no one...' Justin trailed off again as the guilt and horror of that day's events washed over him. He looked at Robert with pleading eyes, begging him to understand, to help explain how this could happen.

'WHY?! How c-could this happen?! WHY!' Cried Justin, and the damn of emotions burst. Robert clasped a hand around the back of Justin's neck and pulled his head down onto Robert's shoulder. Justin's tortured cries filled the house, as he mourned all those he had lost.

The Walkers were in floods of tears, staring at their youngest member and for the first time seeing a new side to Justin. The events of Justin's war had been downplayed in his returns to home soil due to the drug battles, however his family now saw the true impact of Justin's career choice.

Here before them was no son. No brother, uncle, boyfriend or friend. The surfer, prankster, gossip and joker was gone, replaced by a soldier. A broken soldier.


End file.
